I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
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And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
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If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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