Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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