Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
