Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Dear god my vagina.
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