My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
