OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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