But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
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why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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