my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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