Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
