That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
