The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
