suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
and she was petting her beer can
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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