Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Non-Jews are for practice
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
