My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
