I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
