You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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