Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
