Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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