i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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