So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
