and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
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I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
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I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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