When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
