i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
