i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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