god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
