thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Can I color on your dick again?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
