It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
