i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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