I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
