fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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