my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
