Betty ford says i'm here all night
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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