You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
