if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
