she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
