I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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