Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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