You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
