We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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