saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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