when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
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We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
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I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
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