Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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