At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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