I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just gargled with NyQuil
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
