i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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