If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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