Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
