you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
