Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
