My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
