Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
