so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
