I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
