i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
