turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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