come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
