But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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