Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
