She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
