Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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