Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
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