I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
