I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You can't special order awesome
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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