I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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