worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
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easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
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Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
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