just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
