is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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