made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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