Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
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my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
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I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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