You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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