Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
