I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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