based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize