She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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