What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
