in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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