I accidentally had phone sex last night
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
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If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
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Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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