So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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