Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Randomize
