You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
