So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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